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Dudley's (New, Improved) Dungeon

< Dec 24th, 2010 >DarthCliche
                    
                    
   Dudley's (New,   
 (Improved) Dungeon 
      PRESENTS      
                    
  A NetHack Carol   
                    
                    
Christmas Eve       
                    
            -----   
            |...+   
            |..@|   
            +X..|   
            |.|_|   
            |...|   
            -----   
@ Oh, great, bones. Good thing I remembered to set ghosts to X...
                    
                    
            -----   
            |...+   
            |..@|   
            +X..|   
            |.|_|   
            |...|   
            -----   
X "Dudley..."

@ "Ghosts can talk?"

X "Dudley, I came to warn you that there are three more ghosts on this bones file."

@ "Stupid Hearse."

The Ghost of NetHack
Past appears in a   
flash of light!     
            |...+   
            |.X@|   
            +...|   
            |.|_|   
            |...|   
            -----   
Dudley's ghost vanishes!

@ "Wait, is that a green ghost?"

X "I am the Ghost of NetHack Past."

The Ghost of NetHack Past throws a potion of hallucination!

You enter what seems
to be an older, more
more primitive world
    |..............|
    |.......@......|
    |.@:.....X.....|
    |..............|
    ----------------
                    
@ Eh? Where are we?

X The first time you played Rogue, of course!

                    
                    
    ----------------
    |..............|
    |.......@......|
    |.@:.....X.....|
    |..............|
    ----------------
                    
@ So that @ next to the piece of food is me?

The newt hits Dudley! Dudley is killed!

@ But there weren't any newts in Rogue...

Everything looks SO 
boring now.         
            -----   
            |...+   
            |.X@|   
            +...|   
            |.|_|   
            |...|   
            -----   
@ Well, THAT was bizarre.

The Ghost of NetHack Present appears in a flash of light!

X I am the Ghost of NetHack Present.

The Ghost of NetHack Present throws a potion of hallucination!

@ Not again...

 -------------      
 |...........|      
 |..d...<....|      
 |........X..|      
 |.......@...|      
 |...........|      
 ----|-+------      
     #              
     #              
@ So where are we now?

X Dungeon Level 1, where you left Dogley starving. On Christmas Eve, no less.

The little dog whines.

@ Er...

Everything looks SO 
boring now.         
            -----   
            |...+   
            |.X@|   
            +...|   
            |.|_|   
            |...|   
            -----   
The Ghost of NetHack Yet to Come appears in a flash of light! The Ghost of NetHack Yet to Come throws a potion of hallucination!

@ Will you stupid ghosts stop throwing potions at me?

     ------|---     
     |........|     
     |.>......|     
     |......%.|     
     |....|...|     
     |X.......|     
     |........|     
     |.@......-#####
     ---+------     
@ Hey! This looks the same as the normal dungeon! What gives?
     ------|---     
     |........|     
     |.>......|     
     |......%.|     
     |....@...|     
     |X.......|     
     |........|     
     |........-#####
     ---+------     
Something is engraved here on the headstone. You read: Dudley, killed by a newt.

@ Oh, come on. Like that's supposed to scare me. I get killed by newts all the time.

     ------|---     
     |........|     
     |.>......|     
     |......@.|     
     |....|...|     
     |X.......|     
     |........|     
     |........-#####
     ---+------     
g - a fortune cookie.

@ Maybe this'll clear things up.

This fortune cookie tastes terrible! There is a scrap of paper inside. It reads: Due to Christmas-related difficulties, the DevTeam has officially stopped development of NetHack as of version 3.4.3.

                    
                    
            -----   
            |...+   
            |..@|   
            +...|   
            |.|_|   
            |...|   
            -----   
@ AAAAAAAAHHH! ...wait, I'm still alive?
                    
                    
            -----   
            |...+   
            |..@|   
            +...|   
            |.|_|   
            |...|   
            -----   
@ Well, I've certainly learned my lesson.
                    
                    
            -----   
            |...+   
            |...|   
            +@..|   
            |.|_|   
            |...|   
            -----   
@ Never enter a bones level in December without a reliable hallucination cure.
Deck the halls with corpse of lichen, fa la la la la la la la la
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8 Comments

#1 TobyBartels Fri, 24 Dec 2010 04:05:24
The last caption makes this one.

#2 FailWStyle Fri, 24 Dec 2010 05:50:09
I Laughed.
Lots. E

#3 scorchgeek Fri, 24 Dec 2010 15:28:13
Footnote is completely unrelated but still awesome.

#4 Quint Fri, 24 Dec 2010 16:42:03
This YANI needs to be implemented.

Immediately.

#5 DarthCliche Fri, 24 Dec 2010 17:11:52
My personal favorite part is the last sentence of panel 2 (counting from zero as always).

#6 Sorceror Fri, 24 Dec 2010 21:08:50
E, even though the speech quotes disappeared.

#7 Ykstort Mon, 12 Sep 2011 04:04:13
Fantastic :)

#8 Anonymous Mon, 27 Aug 2012 12:34:08
#
\lol

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