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Dudley's (New, Improved) Dungeon

< Dec 25th, 2010 >scorchgeek
   Wizard of Yendor 
     |.........|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}|.@.|}@|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
In Nethack 3.5, you will have not just one Wizard to greet you in Gehennom--that would be way too easy! Some are helpful, some are harmful, some are annoying.
  Wizard of Sender  
     |.........|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}--.--}&|    
     |.}|.@.|}@|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
The Wizard of Sender sends you an email! g - a scroll of mail
  Wizard of Blender 
     |.........|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}|.@@.}.|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
The Wizard of Blender offers you a smoothie. Unfortunately, it was poisoned...
 Wizard of Offender 
     |.........|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}|...@}@|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
@ You worthless piece of &*%#$!
  Wizard of Mender  
     |.........|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}|....}@|    
     |.}--.--}@|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
The Wizard of Mender repairs your tattered cape, turning it into an ornamental cope! a - a blessed +5 cloak of displacement (being worn)
  Wizard of Spender 
  ----              
  |.@-              
  |..|              
  |.@|              
  ----              
                    
                    
                    
The Wizard of Spender bought 134875 zorkmids worth of merchandise.
  Wizard of Render  
     |.........|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}|....}@|    
     |.}--.--}@|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
The Wizard of Render tears your cloak of magic resistance asunder! The Wizard of Render casts a spell! Oh no, he's using the touch of death...
 Wizard of Splendor 
     |.........|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
     |.}}$$$}}.|    
     |.}$$&$$}.|    
     |.}$\@(@}.|    
     |.}$$&$$}.|    
     |.}}$$$}}.|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
You see a tower of gold! This wizard looks rich.
  Wizard of Vender  
     |.........|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}--/--}.|    
     |.}|$@(@}.|    
     |.}--"--}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
The Wizard of Vendor offers you an item! For what do you pay?
  Wizard of Fender  
     |.........|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}|.@..}@|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
The wand hits the Wizard of Fender! The attack is absorbed!
  Wizard of Lender  
     |.........|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}--$--}.|    
     |.}$o@..}@|    
     |.}--$--}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
@ Would you like to borrow some money?
 Wizard of Defender 
     |.........|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}|.@.|}@|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
The wall glows then fades.

@ Come and get me!

Wizard of Descender 
     |.........|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}--^--}.|    
     |.}|^@..}@|    
     |.}--^--}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
@ Many have ascended, but I am the only player to ever have gained immortality and invincibility by *descending* into Gehennom and darkness!
  Wizard of Efembe  
     |.........|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}--.--}@|    
     |.}|'?/@}.|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
You feel shuddering vibrations and see an iron golem arise from the pile.

@ Still not good enough! Must...get...more...stuff...

  Wizard of Slender 
     |.........|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}|.@@.}.|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
Your Sting bisects the Wizard of Slender! You kill the Wizard of Slender!
  Wizard of Tender  
                    
                    
   ------------     
   |lNkGiF'X@.|     
   |DsE:HkNgo.-#####
   ---------|--     
            #       
            #       
@ Okay, on to the xorn...think he deserves a ring of levitation today.
 Wizard of Remember 
          .....|    
           }}}.|    
         ---}}.|    
        --.--}.|    
        | @@.}.|    
        --.--}.|    
         ---}}.|    
           }}}.|    
@ Remember Maud?

(Thinking of Maud you forget everything else.)

   Wizard of Ender  
     |.........|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}|.@..}@|    
     |.}--.--}.|    
     |.}}---}}.|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
@ Your enemy's gate is down!
 Wizard of Ten-door 
     |.........|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
     |.}}-+-}}.|    
     |.}++.+-}.|    
     |.}+.@.+}.|    
     |.}++.+-}.|    
     |.}}-+-}}.|    
     |.}}}}}}}.|    
And they're all indestructable, and the walls are undiggable, and he holds the Candelabrum.
Of course, all the Wizards can cast double trouble, return to life, and summon each other.
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17 Comments

#1 d1337r Sat, 25 Dec 2010 16:17:32
WTF?

#2 anther Sat, 25 Dec 2010 21:48:11
What he said.

#3 Quint Tue, 28 Dec 2010 02:49:34
The Wizard of Vendor, an old lady named Recette Lemongrass.

#4 Anonymous Wed, 29 Dec 2010 00:26:43
None of those rhyme with my pronunciation of "Yendor" except for Ten-door.

#5 scorchgeek Wed, 29 Dec 2010 14:59:40
@Anonymous:
Yeah, I had to stretch it a bit, but what would the fun be if there was only one or two?

#6 Muad Thu, 30 Dec 2010 17:36:26
I like this a lot, particularly the thrown-in Ender reference.

#7 Sorceror Thu, 30 Dec 2010 22:56:08
It should seriously have had all the Wizards ending with OR instead of ER. We would still get the idea.

Actually, that would help to weed out the weaker ones too. Does "Tendor" really work, especially as you have "Ten-Door" too? I also don't like Slendor and Rendor, and I don't get "Efembe".

"Blendor" should have been a Will It Blend reference. "The Amulet of Yendor. Will it blend? Let's find out!"

#8 Slandor Fri, 31 Dec 2010 16:54:23
Efembe is a nethack legend: http://www.nicolaas.net/dudley/index.php?f=20040331
Last edited: Fri, 31 Dec 2010 16:59:49

#9 Sorceror Sat, 1 Jan 2011 00:03:31
By "legend" you mean "obscure player known only to DevTeam".

#10 Slandor Sat, 1 Jan 2011 05:10:20
I was trying to help you understand the joke, not criticize you. But since you decided to take it as a criticism, I assure you that I'm not on the DevTeam and I had heard of Boudewijn Waijers.

Seriously, chill out. Why do you feel it necessary to constantly jump down everyone's throat?

Last edited: Sat, 1 Jan 2011 05:10:49

#11 Anonymous Tue, 18 Jan 2011 17:51:57
@Quint

That made me smile inside.

#12 Pteriforever Thu, 27 Jan 2011 06:30:39
Vlad's one is better IMO.

#13 Pteriforever Thu, 10 Feb 2011 10:32:56
The most powerful of all is the Lizard of Yendor.

#14 Nnelg Tue, 17 Jul 2012 12:01:49
They would have included the Wizard of Endor, but then they realized that would have been to horrible even for Nethack.

#15 Anonymous Sat, 16 Jan 2016 00:03:49
You see a piece of meat. The Gizard of Yendor hits. You die.

#16 Anonymous Sat, 16 Jan 2016 00:04:16
You see a piece of meat. The Gizard of Yendor hits. You die.

#17 Anonymous Sat, 13 May 2017 20:46:26
The Wizard of Render hits! Your FPS becomes 0.

(Render? Rendering? Get it? OK, this was a horrible pun. And GUIs don't drain your FPS completely. Oh, and NetHack is turn-based anyway.

Anonymous killed by a pedantic subsystem, while writing.)

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